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  • Writer's pictureLeah Vizgan

Real Mom Life - Perfect Parenting is Fake News #3under3

Updated: Jun 17, 2019

I have two babies, a toddler who just turned 2 yrs old two months ago which is sooo crazy and incredible plus a 9-month-old. It's basically like having twins except one is running.


I personally love the newborn stage, it's so sweet and lovely and for me, the NB stage is easy. All NB's do is eat, sleep, poop and wanna cuddle. I wish I knew this with my first because as the first baby I ever had or had been around, I thought the NB stage was soooo hard but it actually wasn't and I wish I enjoyed it more, although I definitely enjoyed it with my second.

Let me just warn y'all, The toddler stage is f-ing brutal. My toddler is the hard one. Yes, she is adorable and I love her to death but oh my gosh... terrible two's, talking back with attitude and temper tantrums are crazy hard to deal with and still keep your patience much less your sanity while your precious baby that you love so much is throwing a fit, not listening and doing dangerous things no matter what you say and people on the sidelines are like "hey, pay attention to your kid". People are so ignorant.


When they say "Check on your friends with 2 and 3 year old's because their not ok" - they are not lying, we are not ok, please check on us. For real

My friend has three babies (3 under 3) and she says it's only hard if you have other things to do, like study for school or having a work from home job or something else that you must be doing that makes it very stressful. Otherwise, if you are able to just focus on your kids, it's no different than having two.


She says "Honestly, three kids under 3 yrs old is easier than two kids." What!? Easier? Don't you mean harder? It's so strange and impossible to believe but for some reason, she says it makes her family calm and it's totally fine for them. The hardest part for her is having two toddlers. The 2 and 3-year-old's are the hard ones. Terrible two's is super hard. Three year old's are finally able to express themselves verbally which makes it a bit easier to communicate and give them what they need. The baby is easy, well behaved... as I said, babies just eat, sleep, cuddle and poop.

Financially, it's also the same, the third baby doesn't add to the finances. By the time the third baby comes, the oldest will be out of diapers so money wise it doesn't change. You still purchase the same amount of diapers, I breastfeed so that doesn't cost money. We are already doing laundry and we already have everything we need for the baby. Everything we need is already in our house, for example, bath necessities, toys, stroller, car seat, bottles and more. The only thing might be needed is if the babies are born in different seasons in regards to clothing or boy verse girls clothes, but besides that, we won't be buying anything at a huge expense. We have a crib and the toddler has a toddler bed so we would just buy the oldest a new bed and the baby will take the crib and the second will take the toddler bed. The only thing is that, if we didn't have a third baby, we could start saving a little from not having to buy diapers or clothes but it doesn't gain money to our finances, it's just staying the same. The money situation doesn't change at all. Having a family makes the man more motivated and gives him the desire and will to make more money. It gives him a reason and the feeling of being a man by supporting his family.


3 under 3 is an accomplishment and there is an entire community of people who are like "Me too" and have survival tips.

It's crazy and scary to think about but I know once the baby comes it will all fall into place bc that's what happened with my 2nd. I also had a ton of emotions while pregnant with my 2nd like How is it gonna be, what am I going to do and OMG... And honestly, you can never prepare for it because it's change; it's different and no matter how much you think it might be one way, it could be completely different. So instead of trying to expect something or trying to think it might be one way, I just want to let it happen and go with the flow and know everything will fall into place as it did with my 2nd. In regards to harder or easier. I don't technically think it will be easier, it just might be the same... It might not be harder bc I already had 2 under 2 but I don't think it will be easier because I will have two toddlers and it's hard to chase kids with a baby, but luckily, now my two toddlers will have each other to entertain each other and play together. Unlike with my 2nd, where after one week of birth, I was taking my toddler to a play area and people thought I was crazy. My 16 month was jealous and couldn't be home with me and the baby. She needed attention and something to do, a distraction that I couldn't provide her so going out was the best option. That way my NB could be in the bassinet and breastfeed while my oldest was playing and that worked for me. Now I'm hoping that maybe with the 3rd baby my two girls will have each other and will keep each other company while I am with the NB baby. I suppose we will see.


My friend always tells me that having three is literally no different than having two. NB's are so easy. Having three is just having a baby lying in the stroller, laying on the mat, sleeping, they don't do anything, their cute but they don't do anything. If they eat their fine. It's hard watching two toddlers run around and hoping they won't hurt themselves. It's hard because you can't go on vacation but you already can't go on vacation, so it's no different. You're already home. Even if my oldest went to daycare tomorrow, I'm still home with the current baby so t makes no difference. I'm still home.


And people do say "OMG I can't believe it, how can you have 3 kids so close together, year after year?" And it's because they can never do it. Their too weak to do it or their complaining. They can't deal with one baby, they think it is so hard, even with two babies their done, like falling apart and getting a babysitter to help with bath time and those are the people who tell you "OMG that's crazy" because they couldn't do it. But that doesn't mean we can't do it and were not awesome! A lot of other women can not do this. It's not for everyone but for people like me and my friend, it's completely doable.


Having two kids at home all day is very challenging. Having two kids at home all day every day is extremely challenging, Having two kids at home for a few hours before bath time only is not hard, it's manageable, it's fine. I'm not saying we wouldn't love the help but it's not something to be like "oh poor me, I can't handle it". Being home with the kids without having to work or having anything else to do is hard. Add working or studying or some other obligations on top and it's a serious struggle.


A woman I met who has triplets, she said to my friend's face who has three under three, year after year, says that my friend's situation was harder than hers. And that makes my friend so grateful.

If you think about it, a mom of twins, of course, it's not easy or a blast, but a year later when they both eat and sleep, so do you, and two years later when their potty trained then you're finished with potty training and diapers completely. Having kids 1 after another after another, you're never done. You never sleep, by the time one is sleeping through the night you give birth to your next and your back to not sleeping again. And then when the second is sleeping through the night you give birth again and it becomes over three years of sleepless nights. Three pregnancies in three years. Not to mention your body and the hormones and postpartum and depression. That's the difference between twins verse kid one year after the other.

"3under3 and u cant handle one".. just kidding. But not kidding

Each stage has its own difficulty. It's cliche but it's true. You can never be ready either. It's always something new and it's change and you can never be ready for change. You have to learn and grow and adapt but that's also a good thing.


The main issue is How do you stay awake when you're sooooo tired? You need like 8 coffee's but your breastfeeding or your pregnant, so you can't.

And then you get mom guilt because you don't have the energy to spend quality time with your second baby who wants your attention and doesn't want to sleep but all you wanna do is sleep. Sometimes if my toddler would fall asleep for nap time but my baby did not go to sleep at the same time, I would take her to bed with me just so I could rest a little and I would feel bad that I was less active and didn't give her the attention that maybe she needed, but it's hard with two or more kids and still have other things to take care of like cleaning, laundry, cooking, post office, etc. But you don't have a choice, so you just keep going. It's not the kid's fault that you have things to do or that they kept you up all night. Sometimes you can barely keep your eyes open but you don't have a choice.

You get to a point that you're so tired that you're not even tired anymore. No matter how little sleep you got the previous night, you still wake up at 6 am like "Hello Sunshine! Let's get this day started!" because you have a toddler and a baby and their both awake and you literally have no choice.


Then you reach a point where if you at all complain about how tired you are or needing help, people tell you "Well it was your choice to have kids", well no sh*t Sherlock, but I still deserve a break once in a while. No matter what, you need to take a break and do something for you, something that makes you feel relaxed and away from the chaos, even if just for 10 minutes.


Or people think they're helping but their not, for example, if the grandparents take 1 or 2 kids but leave you with the baby, then you still can't get anything done like work or study wise. Maybe if the baby takes a 30-minute nap, as soon as you sit down and start to get into the zone, the baby wakes up crying and doesn't go back to sleep and you completely lose your zone and can't continue when the baby needs attention, diaper changes, to eat.... Maybe you can get some errands done because that is easier to do with 1 baby, not a toddler.


My husband once said to me, "you can work while holding the baby". Are you serious right now? When he needs to study or focus on something, I have to take the kids out of the house completely, but I can work while holding a baby?!?

Men just don't get it. They never will.

If you wanted to study or work, then you need all kids to be taken, Of course, we moms can handle all our kids alone, that's not a problem but you can't work or study with even just one kid so if you want to help us, you need to take or entertain all the kids.

If your lucky enough to have someone to help with your kids like my friend or friends.


Besides my husband, I don't get help from other people. No one ever takes both of my kids.


Of course it was my choice to have kids and two kids so close in age, This was the life I choose. But what? I don't deserve a break? Of course we love our family and children and wouldn't change it for the world but Yes! We need a break! All we do is work and clean and take care of everyone except ourselves. We don't do anything for ourselves and when we do get a break from the kids, we still don't do anything for ourselves, like sleeping or getting a massage or our nails done, were working, cleaning, trying to complete tasks that we couldn't get done or maybe if were lucky trying to catch up on sleep. It's like this never ending cycle.


My "help" only create difficulties for me. For example, for the past 2 years, nap time is 12-3 pm every day, that has not changed once, it is not something new. My phone is on silent every day during nap time and I have expressed very intensely DO NOT DISTURB me or my kids during nap time. This is literally my only "break time". The only time I get quiet time alone, to sleep, clean, eat, sit down and do nothing, take a shower, whatever I want to do. I don't get a vacation, a sick day, a day off or any time to myself. I'm always with my kids and yes, that is my choice and that is what I want but I still need a break for my sanity. I am still a human who has needs, wants and desires. So if I can get both my kids to sleep at the same time that "break time" is crucial to me. It is the most important time of my day and when someone screws that up, you bet I will be upset. However people just don't get it, they still call me or come to my house and knock on my door which makes my dog bark and wakes me up or the baby. If the baby wakes up and doesn't get the sleep she needs, she will be. cranky and won't go back to sleep so that messes up my entire day.


Please respect nap time!


And at the end of the day, it's our problem (us Moms). We had babies, It was our choice to have kids and not just one and so close in age, it was all our choice. And we decided to be a stay-at-home mom or work or study too, so we have to deal with it.

And all this makes us resentful and stressed. Having kids is hard enough without having something else to do on top of it. And your sooooo tired but you can't sleep because your baby won't sleep. Especially when their 9 months old, they sleep less during the day, their not 2 weeks old anymore, they don't sleep all day. And then you get pissed at the baby for not sleeping but that's ridiculous, the baby is just not tired and shouldn't be sleeping all day.


When your so good at being the tank and always handling it, people forget that just because you can do it and you are doing it, doesn't mean that you are having an easy time and you're not exhausted. And you don't have a choice, so you keep going and going and going. But you don't want to break down and you need a break. And an actual break is being alone without any kids. If you have help, take it, take time for yourself. Don't become crazy like me. I have no help and no time for myself. I literally take a shower with my toddler just so I can take a shower. Yes, I'm losing my mind but I also wouldn't change it for the world, because I want to spend this time with my children, I will never get this time back, ever. They will grow up and I rather suffer while being with them than suffer my whole life knowing I didn't do what I wanted to do, raise my children.

My kids are the reason I breathe, they are also the reason my house is a mess, I don't sleep and I am crazy.

I'm also super traditional and I think evolutionary wise we were meant to just be with our kids and just be and provide them with food and nowadays so much pressure has been put on the mom.

Women are expected to work as if we don't have children and expected to raise our children as if we don't work.

I feel a strong need and desire to be a stay-at-home mom to my kids. It doesn't seem natural that I am also supposed to be doing something else like working or studying. After being with the kids all day, all you want to do is relax or take a shower or eat and then you have to work or study but your exhausted and have to wake up the next day at 6 am and do it all over again. This makes you resentful, stressed and frustrated.


The only good thing is that while their so young they will forget this time, as babies they don't actually care, they're just happy to be with you or family. I can't wait for the time that I won't have to wish that I'm just sleeping instead of being with them. I wish that when I was with my kids I could just be able to be with my kids and not be wishing I was sleeping or doing work or that they will sleep. This time goes by so fast and I have really good babies and I like just being with them and reading a book with them and not wishing I was doing something else because tomorrow they will be a year older and then I will miss it.


I had gone into this horrible depression while pregnant with my second daughter. There was a point when all I did was cry. I have felt like I don't have the energy to handle everything anymore and I go through this struggle of feeling better and then feeling sad again and going back and forth. Every time I feel better and I'm like ok, I can do this then I get pushed back again. I was fighting with everyone, my husband, my mom, my mil. Every time I tried to be positive something else happened again.


There was a point where I was extremely depressed.


It's also hard for our husband and we know it and we don't think it's not hard for them but when you're depressed you can't take care of yourself much less your husband especially when you have to give every ounce of energy to your kids. I brought my husband down with me. It takes a toll on your partner when your so mean all the time or constantly negative.


There is so much pressure to be happy and a good mom. Kids feel our energy, they know when we're not happy so we have to put on our game faces for them so when our husbands come home, we just have no more energy to give to them or ourselves. And it's not being selfish or not wanting to make things better. It's just the way it is.

Never mind showering or looking presentable to go outside, all these little things that are normal things that everyone does, are now like such a huge deal which is just a lot of energy and effort that no one seems to understand.

Can someone give me a trophy for making it through the day, and making an effort to look good?

Depression comes in so many different forms and ways.


I'm the kind of depressed that when I wake up in the morning I'm really disappointed that I woke up, I have children and I am aware that they need me and I want them to have a mom. I am hoping this will get better at some point. It is really sad and when you think you're close to getting better, things happen that push you all the way back.

When we're upset kids don't get it, men in general definitely don't get it? We have to be strong on the outside all the time.

And I guess, if life is gonna be throwing shit at me, let it be shit that is not health related to my kids, husband, and people that I love. I really try to come down to earth sometimes. I'm really afraid that the universe will be like your complaining about stupid shit so I'm gonna show you what to really be sad about, what really to be depressed about.

I try to remind myself and think it's just a car breakdown, it's just a broken washing machine... that my kids and husband are healthy, my kids are happy, we have a roof over our head and food to eat. I do try to remind myself that issues are temporary things, these are things that can be fixed, that being said it doesn't belittle what I have been through.


I'm really trying to do the right things, to count my blessings. But then something happens again that stops me from being able to help myself and be happy and stay positive, no matter how many people are trying to help me or how I am trying to help myself, then it's always something else. It makes you think, Is there a purpose to this?


My minimum is already way more than anyone else can handle. 3 babies in a row,

I'm so horrified to think about one more stack on this pile, then what's gonna happen? I'm scared it's a slam dunk piece of shit in my face at the other end. I want to wake up and not be like damn it, I woke up.


We keep being told how we are superwomen and we can deal with it all and everything that is thrown at us. We always stress about things, but at the end of the day, we somehow keep going and somehow get thru it.


When I am home with my kids, I am happy. I am happy to spend time with my kids and family. I feel like this is where I am meant to be. It's really just the situation that I am in and that's fixable.


People put their kids in daycare at 3 months or younger because they think or say there is nothing else to do... well, yes there is something else you could do, you could stay home with your kids and not put them in daycare and make a lot of cutbacks on your spending to be able to make that decision a reality.

I am trying to find a balance between thinking that there is nothing else to be done and just settling for being miserable working all day and night and not seeing your kids. I'm realistic for now by not working bc for now in this moment in time I want to spend time with my kids bc they won't be young forever, you can't go back in time. I just don't want to settle for being miserable and I don't need to make it to the perfect rainbow but I just want to get through the shit... I just want the extra shit to end. I know I need to snap out of whatever it is that I am going through.


Any mom, I feel for them, especially the ones with a bunch of kids. There are so many horrible things that happen to kids and even if you don't want to know about it, you see it on the news, on social media, you hear about it via conversations. Sometimes, that is a wake-up call that allows me to realize that I made the right decision to provide my children with a loving and safe environment. People have had to deal with soooo much more shit than I have had to deal with. I am aware of that and I try to remember that and be thankful for what I have.

For instance, debt can be paid off.


You can never say everything is better. I guess what I have learned is not to say that everything is better because then something crazy will happen, like a toddler throwing up all over the house. What we can do, is hope that we can handle what is thrown at us, even though they are things that are very challenging, annoying and stressful but they are temporary. I hope that the things that are thrown at us are reversible, are manageable and temporary. I hope to look back and know those were our hard mommy times but we don't remember those hard mommy times because I only took pictures of the good happy times so let's just forget the shitty times.

Just yesterday I thought it was the worst fucking day of my life. Every day is filled with surprises, you never know what is gonna happen next.

If someone is really depressed, you can't snap out of it. Depression cannot be turned off, you can't just be happy in the snap of a finger. People who are not depressed, they're just in a bad mood, they can snap out of it. Being upset or mad is temporary and can be easy to switch off and be happy again.


As a stay-at-home mom, we work harder than anyone else.

We gotta take deep breathes.

We also need to find people that we can cry to, that understand us and that say the right things. Not tell us that everything will be alright, that are not just saying stupid shit that doesn't help us.

We don't have any extra energy for fake-ness, for people we don't give a shit about, for people that aren't helping us feel better.


Whatever you need to do to get your happiness during the day, do it and be selfish about it.

We as women do so much and go through so much and then we feel unappreciated and we really want people to verbally vocalize how great we are and they don't.


Men don't get why we're not 100%. They just don't get why we feel like shit. They think that if you're in a good mood and that you seem better than you were before so your 100% fixed but your not. Just because you're not complaining doesn't mean your better. Men could never do what we do. And fights with our husbands are the worst. It's the worst feeling in the world.


Husbands don't want to hear us complain. They want to hear the filtered version of our day, only the good stuff.

They are logical thinkers and in their mind, they are doing everything in their power to take care of us and trying to make us happy. They work all day (away from home, seeing other people, having adult conversations, not dealing with the kids or temper tantrums) their supporting and they think they're helping when their home when they're actually not. They only want to have happy conversations between us. They feel that they work all day and they don't bring their daily problems home to us and we shouldn't bring our daily problems home to them.


Men are so much weaker than women, sorry men, but it's true. They can't handle as much as we can, at all. And if they don't sleep or are sick, oh my gosh, it's the end of the world for them. Women don't sleep or are sick and don't even get a chance to rest or recover and we still do everything! Men act like their dying or get an attitude while needing us to nurse them back to life and still take care of the house and kids. Our eyes will literally twitch from exhaustion and we still hold a baby while getting sh*t done.


Men come home and just wanna sit on the couch and watch tv or play video games or work or whatever it is your man enjoys to do and it's like they just don't get it. We have been home with the kids all day every day and were cleaning and cooking and playing with the kids or giving them games to entertain themselves hopefully and feeding them and changing them and then your husband says "the baby is crying" or to give them or the kids something and you want to scream You see me doing a million things, can't you get off your ass and do it! and then they wonder why you snap or why you are so upset but you just take so much in and then you just lose it.


On another note, we are lucky to have husbands that are there for us and that support us.

My husband is supportive and he helps so much, I would literally die without him. He does every single thing he can, not only is he providing for 4 people now but every moment he can he helps me with the kids and he gives them baths when he can or puts them to bed and he does whatever he can help with. He does so much, he is the best. Yes, sometimes he is annoying and not understanding sometimes but I'm so grateful I have him.

I don't even get a shower alone. I sometimes have to take a shower with my toddler just to get a shower.


My husband just wants me to be happy. He always lifts me up and tries to push me towards a positive way of thinking. He's a good man and don't get me wrong he does his best. Just men in general... well their all the same, maybe not the same mentality, personality or whatever, but men are men and they are the same deep down to the core.


And it affects our husbands when we're not happy and it's not our fault.

Being North American, were civil outside, like "Hi, how are you, good morning, how is your day?" just being polite and smiling.

Customer service doesn't exist in Israel, where my husband is from. Employees act like we are bothering them in their store, even when you're literally just asking a common question and then they act so annoyed and like assholes. This is your job, you don't have to go above and beyond but you could at least be polite.

But I cannot be fake with my husband and you know what, I don't want to, because if he doesn't know how I feel, then what? If I'm in a bad mood or sad, I can't fake it with my husband. They have to understand that vocalizing our stress to them is so healthy for women because if not... then what? I can't even put on my customer service smile with my husband because I have to be myself when I'm with him. And he gets overwhelmed with my feelings. But you gotta be real with someone. If were fake with our husband's then what? It all boils up and then what? That's what I'm really afraid of. Then you have no one to let that out and then you feel like a burden and that no one can handle you're being upset. We have to be strong and put our game faces on for the kids. We can't show them our struggles. But we also are human and we can't always have our game faces on with everyone 24/7.


For me and my opinion of what I want in my husband is for him to be my best friend. I don't have time for anyone else. If I am not with my babies, I have stuff to do around the house or sleep and I just don't have time for literally anything else, much fewer friends. I barely have "me" time and I still try to make time for my husband once in a while. He's the only other adult I see. He comes home and I'm a chatterbox, because I have been talking to the kids all day and watching kids shows and when he gets home, it's my only time with another adult and not just any adult, my husband, my best friend. But he, well he doesn't understand that. He got home from a long day outside and wants peace and quiet. He wants to sit down and relax and not hear my drama. And yes I can understand him too.


I have yet to see a husband come home from work and say "thank you for working so hard with the babies all day, your work is the hardest".


People and family are not your friends, people that you think are nice will literally snap at you one day. I can't afford any random sh*t and I don't have any extra energy for negativity. The only time I am truly really happy is when I am with my immediate family, my husband and kids. I would rather have 0 friends than have friends that are work or are mean, friendship is not supposed to be like that. Friendship is supposed to be supportive and provide an outlet where you can release your stress where they listen and don't judge and still believe in you and are always there for you, even if not physically, but just to talk to, it's enough. Don't put up with BS or toxic relationships, because we have enough BS to deal with on our own.


We're just trying to be good moms and raise our kids good. I let go of all relationships that were toxic for me and luckily and gratefully I have found a group of mom friends that are amazing and always there for me and never tell me to shut up when I am venting and pouring my life problems out to them.


I can talk or text them about anything, complain, scream, get out my frustrations and even if they have nothing to say or offer advice, What they do do is LISTEN without judging me and they tell me it's going to be ok and that I am a great mom and I am doing a great job and how they see me and I inspire them, I actually inspire them! They tell me how strong I am and that they BELIEVE IN ME! This is so important and I don't know where I would be without them. And I highly recommend that you find some friends like mine. A support group. It also helps me from complaining to my husband because I vent to them instead, so when my husband comes home, I already got that out of my system and I can talk to him about the good stuff. I also sometimes while venting realize that maybe I am wrong and then I am grateful I said it to my friends and didn't create a fight with my husband that would have been completely unnecessary and ridiculous. I am still crazy but at least I have them.


I know I will look back and be proud of myself and pat myself on the back and know I did an amazing job that I stayed home and raised my kids. It's the most important time in their life, they need one caregiver and love and support and safety. Yes, sometimes it is wonderful and other times I wanna pull my hair out.


Sometimes my toddler makes me so angry and frustrated, but I read something that said that when you get angry and yell at your kids, it's actually not your kid's fault. Instead, it's actually your frustration or your anger that you are taking out on them. So I try to think about that when I get angry with my kids and calm down and handle it a different way and be nicer with my child even though she did something that really made me angry or something that makes my day a little bit harder, which makes us react on them, but they are just kids being kids and sometimes you really have to just take that in.


Sharks must swim constantly or they die! We are sharks! Just keep swimming

Having kids so close in age seems like such a good idea because we are already in it, we are already not sleeping, changing diapers, dealing with temper tantrums and everything involved in raising young kids. We think it would be harder if the kids were a few years older and we finally got our life back and are completely sleeping and off diapers and then having another baby and going all the way back, starting all over again by having another baby.

I would not take back having them so close in age. I wouldn't want to have years in between and finish nursing, then start again and then finish diapers and start again and then get my sleep back and then not sleep again.... That's just crazy to me.


We wake up so many times in the night but my body is used to it and I wake up in the morning like "GOOD MORNING!!!!" lol because my body is used to it already.

Once my first child started sleeping through the night, I had a new baby, so it's like 3 yrs of not sleeping but once they get older, there is no going back to not sleeping.


It's obviously much harder now while their young, but eventually, you will be finished with the baby stages and the diapers and then going on family vacations with kids who can have conversations and sit at a table to eat a meal. In a few years, it will be really fun, the kids will be able to play together (hopefully not beating each other) and life will be much easier and the baby stage will be over. We will be proud of ourselves and the kids will be proud of us too. I also believe that if you have your kids close in age, and have all the kids you want, 2, 3, 4... then you basically get the job done and out of the way and are able to get to a point where u finally start to get your life back a little bit.


It's also hard when on weekends or holiday's people are going on vacations and going to the beach and you want to do things and go places but with young kids and a baby, you just don't want to go because it will be more work and won't be fun.

You have to consider drive time, nap time, snacks, lunch, and the inevitable toddler breakdown.

Plus pack lots of diapers, change of clothes for kids and you bc you never know when there might be a poop explosion (yes an actual poop explosion). So just going somewhere takes hours to prepare, lots of bags to carry, praying you didn't forget something and then hoping to get in the car on time because getting kids dressed, diapers changed, and fed sometimes goes smoothly but most days takes forever and then right when you think your ready and your heading for the door, you smell poop and you have to change a diaper again.

It's also depressing because you don't go anywhere while you see everyone else's social media on their awesome trips having margaritas. You don't do anything, except the same daily routine, maybe you go to a kids play area or a park, whoopie. And no one offers to come over and help or to hang out with you. Maybe you also suffered from sleep exhaustion and/or being sick but unable to feel better because you don't have time to rest. All while everyone is having fun and then you start to feel resentful. My husband works holidays and weekends too, 6 days a week leaves the house at 6 am before the kids wake up and return at 7 pm right when the kids are getting ready for bed. So I am home alone with the kids and I don't feel the holiday, for me it just feels like another day.

But eventually they will be older and we can do fun things and travel together.


Also, don't compare or look at other people's lives. Maybe they don't have kids or families of their own yet. Ok, sure they're going on vacations, but I'm sure you went on vacations before you had kids, You don't want to change your life for anyone else's. Everyone has their own struggles and things their dealing with in they're own life, in their own time. Like even though your struggles don't feel fair or seem more difficult bc the only people you are comparing it to is people who don't have kids or families and are going on vacation. One day, they will have their kids and they will experience their own struggles. We can't compare ourselves to other people (although it is a natural habit) because everyone faces struggles at their own time in their own life. It's not fair to you. It shouldn't affect your life. You shouldn't let others opinions or lives or what they're doing affect yours because you have no idea what's going on behind closed doors. We all pretend like everything is pretty and wonderful on the outside but everyone is struggling with something.

Expectation and comparing create disappointment that didn't exist.

But the kids are growing and are happy. It's happening so fast. We're gonna blink and their gonna be in school. You never know when the last time that they will want that last bedtime story because they're growing up. They will grow up and tell us that we're embarrassing and not to come to school with them. So this time is so important and even though their young and they may not remember it, they will appreciate their mom. Of course, their not gonna want to see us forever, so let me just appreciate the time that they do wanna take a shower with me because one day they will be off with their friends. Even though it's so hard, I try to appreciate these days bc their gonna want to be with their friends, not wanting to go home and hang out with their mom.


It is hard, especially to have patience with toddlers when you're done emotionally and sad when it gets so annoying. It gets the worst when you're tired, so you're just like "Be quiet" but they're not doing anything bad, their just being kids and playing loudly and you take out your frustration on the kids. It's so hard to be calm in the moment sometimes. It's so hard not to yell and to contain yourself. Were upset bc it makes the job harder for us or their doing something their not supposed to, for example, they smear food all over their face, body, table and make a huge mess and it's annoying but their just being kids and it's not their fault.


Even when it sounds like were miserable were actually enjoying raising our babies. It's hard to explain and to understand but it's this incredible roller coaster ride with an insane amount of mixed emotions all the time but we wouldn't change it for the world. But we're still being good moms and taking the kids out even though we're feeling so sad and done.


You start to get used to being with the kids. It just becomes natural and normal. And then you want another one.


And Congrats to the women who are breastfeeding. I find it easier because I don't have to carry bottles and formula and I don't have the dishes or having to sterilize bottles. I can just whip my boob out and feed my baby whenever, wherever. I also can calm my baby down with my breast if she is fussy or in pain or during take-off and landing on the airplane to help avoid the pain from the ear popping.

Don't get me wrong, it is a sacrifice for sure. And after a while, you just want your body back. You don't want your husband to touch your nipples, "just don't touch me". I want to be able to drink and eat whatever I want without having to think "oh, but wait, is that too much caffeine or I can't drink alcohol. Hopefully, your boobs are not down to the floor and you won't trip on them. It is definitely exhausting and I'm sure if they had formula you could get a break sometimes and they may sleep longer but of course breastfeeding is much healthier and rewarding.


Motherhood is so exciting because there are so many surprises, like when will I sleep next? How many days in a row can I go without showering? or using dry shampoo? Is it obvious that I'm not wearing a bra? Has anyone seen me where this yet? Let me change into something else before the hubby gets home so he doesn't think I have been in pj's all day. Is anyone even listening to me?!

I never ever have time alone, like me physically being alone, and not when the kids are sleeping, just me being home alone during the day. I literally never shower and the times I get to shower alone it's like heaven. But you also just want to clean and do laundry and get tasks done. And if you literally do nothing and no one is home, you realize that you have never been home alone for years and it should be a necessity for at least once a month but it takes years and you sit there confused feeling like you should be doing something.


Spending alone time should be a necessity for life and it's been years since I had some. It's crazy and it makes you crazy... I don't get alone time with my husband, we haven't celebrated a birthday, anniversary or anything without the kids present and of course at an hour before they go to bed. I think we have had a date night alone maybe 5 times in 3 years and it's not the same anymore, you constantly worry about the kids, are they sleeping, are they ok, do they need us, they might wake up and need my breast, can we just finish this and go home already, I'm tired. You just don't enjoy it like you used to. I actually took a night out to go to a restaurant with a girlfriend (also something I have done maybe 5 times in 3 years) and when you're there alone without the kids you feel so free like something is missing, like you have to do something but you don't. So we have a glass of wine, eat good food, laugh and have a good time and by 9 pm I am like ok, it's past my bedtime, I don't know how well the kids will sleep tonight so I better get going. As I arrive at my car, I find a $60 parking ticket on my window and then I get home and the kids wake up several times and I barely sleep and then I actually regret that I went out and I feel like I was penalized for going out and it makes me not even want to go out. But you need it, you really need it, you need time for yourself.


I think I need to work on acceptance of my situation.


I need to accept my life the way it is now and then I will be happy. I need to work on trying to find us time for my relationship plus me time. But I will just have to go with the flow and understand and accept that the struggle for "me" time and "us" time and not sleeping is never going to end. I will just have to learn to deal with it and accept it and try to figure out how to work around it.


We, as women, don't give ourselves enough credit.

We're taking care of your kid(s) and husband and house and working or studying and everything else that pops up in between... like that's a lot.

We think our husband doesn't appreciate or that they think that what we are doing is obvious. We need our husband to tell us and lay it out for us how awesome we are and how it's not obvious that we would be doing this and that it's not a given and he needs to tell me how much I am doing.

And our husbands need us to tell them how much they do too.


When you talk with your husband, it's best to avoid bandaids. Try to get down to the core and the roots of why you are upset all the time and how he and you affect it. Talk about your issues once and for all because it's tiring to feel wounded. Then hash it out. But of course, as a man, they will get mad at us. Just confirm that this isn't a fight and you just want to get out how you feel and also understand how he feels.


Maybe yesterday you felt like you failed as a parent. We have bad mom days and it's ok.

Today is a whole new day and a whole new parenting style. Be the best mommy ever. Don't dwell on the bad, you don't have time anyway. We have to better ourselves.


And don't get used to your baby/toddler sleeping (if they do) because then all of sudden sleep regression or who knows what happens and they no longer sleep through the night, go to bed happily or take naps and you don't know what kind of hell you just stepped into. My husband always says we go 1 step forward and 3 steps back overnight and he doesn't get it. As I said, men are logical thinkers so they want a logical answer that makes sense to them. They can't deal with, "oh, she no longer goes to bed like she used to" and it's always our fault (the mom's fault). For instance, My 2 yr daughter used to sleep 3 hour naps and all night and all of a sudden, one day, she stopped taking naps completely and if she does take a nap, it's a war of a fight and she only sleeps for an hour or less and she wakes up in the night sometimes and she fights to go to bed, Screaming like a psycho, she literally refuses to sleep. Just literally won't stay in her room and if she does she's hysterical. when she used to go to bed happily. It took over a month to get her to take naps again and we are still working on un-traumatizing her from going to bed at night.

3 years now of mom guilt and sleepless nights.

I go from being so done with life to.. life is beautiful and happy.


The reason I am struggling right now is that I am trying to be a really really good mom and to be the best mom for my kids and stay home with them. Most people cannot do that. and put their kids in daycare at 3 months old and their not with them just so that they can have money. This struggle is temporary. Eventually, they will have to go to daycare/school. And then I can return to work and make money like there is time for that later. I am not going to be in this situation forever. It's not like I am going to be sitting at home doing nothing when the kids go to school. Right now they are so small and when we get pushed for money, sometimes we forget, and were like "Oh I'm so useless and I don't make money".

You're not useless at all, your staying at home with your kids and raising them. We are so hard on ourselves and I hate that we feel like that. And yes, it's really hard and yes, we could be making money, but then we won't be with our kids and then I'll feel shitty about that. So, we can never win. At least feel shitty and be with your kids instead of feeling shitty and being at work because that's really shitty. And you can't go back in time, you can always go back to work.

REMEMBER: Your the best! You're being a great mom and being with the kids is the best thing you can do as a mom.

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